A lazy bullet point update...

Since I last posted I've...

• experienced a VERY painful infection at my drain spot
• had my drain removed after a month! thank God!
• lost the ability to straighten my left leg entirely
• developed a bad habit of keeping my weight on my right leg with my left knee bent
• worked to almost straighten my leg and reduce my limp
• freaked out doing lymphedemia research and experiencing swelling in my leg
• tried to find a suitable compression garment to aid swelling
• been more mad at God than ever before in my life
• cried and cried
• enjoyed my family in ways I never knew before
• started walking to get in shape after 4 weeks on dr ordered "leg rest"
• gained back the weight I lost between surgeries *see above 6 weeks on couch
• detoxed from 7 weeks of vicodin and percoset -that sucked, but I did it!
• turned 30
• been whisked away for a romantic weekend with my husband
• had 2 new dishwashers installed 
• wished I could wake up from my nightmare
• hated how this is affecting my kids
• hidden from people who love me 
• read a life changing article from John Piper called "Don't Waste Your Cancer"
• been overwhelmed at the information i wanted to share here
• watched WAY too much TV
• found out my lymph nodes were free of cancer other than the original one they removed
• wanted my healthy lymph nodes back
• dreaded the year of treatment that feels like it's never going to start
• made an appointment for Dec 9 with the oncologist who will plan my treatment
• hoped to start treatment the next Monday because I want it BEHIND ME!!!
• realized I'll probably miss Christmas because of this, but I just want it done
• received a ton of love from family and friends in the form of phone calls and mail. thanks.

I'm sorry this is mainly negative. I'm trying to be real. It's such an odd thing to most likely be "cancer free" yet be looking forward to a year of treatments that are going to make me sick. It feels so unfair, not just to me, but to Danny, my kids and my family. Danny and I counted last night and I've had 6 surgeries in the past 5 years. It's been a lot. 

I do not believe that this song was playing by accident as I wrote this... God is good! 

Wait and See (selected lyrics)

by Brandon Heath 

There is hope for me yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see
He’s not finished with me yet

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something

I'll post something more positive tomorrow for Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful for.

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